Has anyone ever spoken to you about sex before and after marriage? Have they ever told you to wait until you find that special person that loves you beyond belief? Have they ever said that sex is a very bad thing that you should never do? I have heard the latter so many times while I was growing into myself.
They say that sex before marriage is a sin before God, I have struggled to believe this for a very long time and even as I write, I still seek explanation to the mystery that surrounds the ethics of sexual relationship and how this relates to God.
One might argue that sex is a symbol of love, this I believe to be true because after marriage, sex represents intimacy. So what makes sex bad before marriage and good after marriage?
My knowledge leads me to believe that whatever is bad is bad, and whatever is good is good. A lie can not become the truth, regardless of any explanation you have, so what makes sex bad and then good?
Before I continue, I feel the need to define my understanding of sex as I know that different people will have different definition for sex.
My definition of sex is the ultimate and most intimate exchange of physical, mental and emotional pleasure; it is yearning to connect with another soul and having one’s innermost desires met.
A level of most intimate can not be achieved unless love is in abundance, however I am not oblivious to the fact that sex has being abused and is constantly being abused. I also understand the spiritual connection that sex promotes. Notice I wrote “promote” and not “begin”, because I believe that a spiritual connection can be attained without sexual encounter.
So my question is what makes sex unacceptable before marriage and acceptable after marriage?
If your answer involves the bible and you feel the need to direct me to the letter of Paul to the Corinthians, you will have to explain why Paul wrote the letter and what he intended during that period or if you wish to direct me to what the bible states about fornication, then you will have to tell me why it is fornication before marriage and not after marriage since sex is still the major factor.
Ok, now I feel the need to write about fornication. The word fornication does not mean sexual relationship between two unmarried people. OK, let me explain before you rain insults on me.
You will have to agree with me that the bible you carry about is only a translation of what the true bible is. The bible was translated from Greek to English by King James. This is why it states on the first few pages of the bible the bold inscription King James Version.
If the bible was first written in Greek, then it would be common knowledge that those who wrote the bible were Greeks and they wrote in their language. God does not change, His words will not change, and therefore the Greek meaning of words in the bible will always be superior to the interpretations of King James. Someone said, all the answers we need are in the bible, all we have to do is understand what we read. Its plain and simple, the most widely known version of the bible is the King James Version. [version means (according to the dictionary) a particular account of some matter, as from one person or source, contrasted with some other account, a translation]. This does not mean real account.
I will give you the findings of my research for fornication, the true meaning, the Greek meaning;
Fornication. porneia, por-ni'-ah; harlotry (includ. adultery and incest); fig. idolatry:-fornication.
In plain English, fornication means sleeping with prostitutes.
This has not being written in any way, shape or form to promote/demote sex, however, if you have questions like I do, this might prompt you to make enquires and share your findings with the world.
I have not written this to confuse anyone, though the true meaning of fornication means sleeping with prostitutes; that should not be a reason for anyone to abuse sex.
All I want to know is what makes sex unacceptable before marriage and acceptable after marriage?
5 comments:
Now you know I can fight about this till daybreak, lolol. Sex before marriage is not necessarily BAD. What is unacceptable is when sex becomes a "just because"activity. PLEASE I have had guys tell me they want to have sex with a particular RACE/PHYSIQUE just so they know how it feels like???? WHAT!!!!! Like u said sex should be an expression of your most intimate feelings for each other, and to tell you the truth most of us don't develop these feelings until we find that person we are willing to say "I do" to. In our world today where a 5 year a girl prolly knows more than my 22 year old self can imagine; we need to put boundaries and that's where"no sex before marriage" comes in. Very few people can differentiate between love and lust, it seems like you are one of the few that can. Most people end up having sex with every one they "connect" with. What's sad is after that 5 mins of pleasure (10 if ur lucky, lololol) that connection mysteriously dissappears. Another thing in Sex means different things to people. To me, yes I am one of the few girls that believe in waiting until you meet that person you can spend ur life with, to the remaining 99% it's just an activity on the "dating" checklist. Our society needs to stop advertising sex as a necessity and more as a invaluable gift. God intended it for it to be between MAN and WOMAN who have dedicated their hearts to each other.
So soulstar if a person happens to believe they truly love someone, then sex before marriage is a beautiful thing. But seriously, are u still talking to that girl you had sex with 2 years ago???? The main question at hand is what is the meaning of being intimately connected with a person and why it seems to only last long enough to have sex????
Very interesting topic, soulstar. If you look at the things that the bible speak against generally like lying, stealing, gossip, adultery etc, someone who is morally upright wouldn’t do them anyway. So u don’t have 2 b a Christian to know those things are bad and if u do these things, there are repercussions. Personally I think it is fornication before marriage (and not after marriage) becos both parties are not yet committed to each other before God. It’s like comparing a long-term boyfriend/girlfriend with a married couple even if they both have children together. i know marriage is not what it shld be these days but it’s left to individuals if they choose to respect the vows they’ve taken. I also checked out d greek definition of fornication – the definition lists 8 groups of people who can commit fornication. It includes “unlawful lust” btw married and unmarried pple. It also includes “whoremongers” - to have sexual relations with a whore. A whore is a woman who will have sexual relations with any man she chooses ( ah… there must be so many whores in this day and age!). I think this is just saying that fornication is committed both by single people and married people. Hence sexual relations btw 2 unmarried people is still fornication.
So let’s put religion aside now...
Some lucky people get married to their “first love” but d majority take a while to find that “special person” that they end up marrying and it doesn’t mean they wont b connected to the people they date along d way. So should we just keep having sex with whoever we get a connection with till we find that special person? I think bcos sex (or making love) is so intimate, ideally it should be between 2 people only. I think sex is a spiritual thing though I agree that u can have a spiritual connection without sex. Also memories can be a terrible thing. Most women tend to remember every1 they’ve had sex with, d experience and might end up comparing. A woman having several sex partners is seen as dirty but it’s not d same 4 men. These days sex is so cheap, u see 10yr olds having sex, it’s just something that makes them feel good, like drinking or smokin….
On the other hand, I remember many years ago during a discussion, some guys said to me u should really have sex b4 marriage so u know if u are not sexually compatible with d person. I thot they were just tryin 2 justify sex b4 marriage. Then I had this boyfriend and I broke up with him mainly cos of d sex, it was undiluted pain 4 me each time (still don’t know y). Though I was vry naïve then and too shy to talk about it so mayb we could av worked it out somehow.
I read a forwarded email titled “partners and marriage” and I have pasted some of it here.
“You need to find a way to see beyond the initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. (believe me, u wil c it afterwards). This can work, but it can also leave a trail of ‘wounded hearts.’ (Breaking up with some1 u haven’t had sex with is a lot less complicated than some1 u have had sex with – from a woman’s perspective ofcos!)
Others deny the sexual altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly atimes, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness & fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible as regard to culture and religion plus moral obligations. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility.”
Personally I would advise anyone to wait to have sex after marriage if u can (I think this is much easier if u r a virgin). If u find out r not “sexually compatible”, there are several ways to improve ur sex life if both parties are willing and do love each other.
very nice comments from tinu and b, i wish i know the both of you personally(maybe i do), then we could have a lenghty discussion about my intention when i wrote the note in question.
I will withhold my comments at this moment, however one thing i must stress is that i have not in any way written this to promote sex before marriage, or the justification of having sex before marriage. I have not also written this to demote sex in any way, shape or form.
I worte this because i believe that this is an issue that gets swept under the carpet, we do not know the fundamentals of sex and why it is so important. This is indeed a topic that needs to debated in order to shed some light on sexual relations.
I thank you for your comments, i have definately learnt something new.
i think sex before marriage is unacceptable because its looks like one is selling herself and one would look like a public dog.also one wont av respect she deserves from others.also i think sex is acceptable after marriage because u r married. anyway i learned somethin 4rm dis issue.and also no one has d right answer to dis question
I am very upset when people try and twist what God says to fit their own ways and justify themselves. Its up to you what you do, but please don't try and justify it with the bible. How more plainly do you want it put, sin is sin, if Jesus said if u look at someone with lustful desires your commiting aldultry, what makes you think that having sex outside marriage is okay. Its NOT, sex is a beautiful thing that God created for marriage!! At the end of the day God says if you love me you'll obey my commandments finto, whether u choose not to is ur decision but please don't try and justify sin, Sin is Sin no matter how much u try and sugar coat it. What happend to trying to live righteously and holy. A life that truly reflects the father. Heaven helps us all
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